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F*CK IT. I'M TELLING MY STORY.

It took me thirty years to convince my friend to share her story. Thirty years. I couldn’t be more proud of her for allowing me to help...

FOR THE LOVE OF CODDLING.

Oh, the shame. The disbelief. I… was… once… a kid coddler. And I loved it. There. It’s out. I woke him up gently each morning –...

NO, ASSUMPTIONS, PLEASE.

I have a peduncle. Some might refer to it as a fupa/spare tire/burrito baby/beer belly – whatever you might like to call it, it’s my...

MAMA, WATCH YOUR MOUTH

I try hard not to swear in front of my kids. When what I really want to say is, “Holy Sh*t,” I say, “What the fridge?” or “Holy Hannah”...

PITY-PARTY CRASHER

I was having a small, silent pity party in my head while in the grocery line this afternoon - the usual stuff that comes with juggling...

SHE'S GOT ROCKS IN HER PURSE

I used to put actual rocks in my mother’s purses when I played pretend office executive as a kid. Don’t judge – I also embraced the...

SOMETIMES, A GIRL'S GOTTA CROP DUST

It’s Monday. I haven’t massaged my dry shampoo well enough this morning so my part has a vague white tinge to it. Speaking of, a few...

FAILURE TO PROTECT

To the Woman Who Allows Her Child to Be Abused… You may have given birth, but you are no mother. How can you hear your child’s cries –...

CUT MY OWN MEAT? WOMAN, YOU MUST BE MAD...

My kids’ maid service was terminated in the night without warning – as was their personal chef, lady-in-waiting, and footman service (aka...

HORROR MOVIES CAN HELP YOU AVOID SOCIOPATHS

I tend to try to save victims in a horror movie from behind the safety of a blanket that’s pulled up to my eyes. I tell them not to open...

An Insight Job